Rebuilding Independence
Life transitions like divorce, the loss of a partner, and becoming a single parent can put you in unfamiliar territory, financially and emotionally. Here’s a guide to help you regain confidence and make informed financial decisions. This was originally posted on my bookkeeping site (my actual job), but I thought this would be a perfect post for anyone going through a significant life-altering experience, especially women.
1. Take Stock of Where You Stand
Before moving forward, assess your current financial situation:
List Assets and Debts: Document what you own (bank accounts, property, retirement savings) and what you owe (loans, credit cards, outstanding bills).
Understand Your Income: Whether it comes from employment, alimony, child support, or other sources, knowing your income is crucial for effective planning.
Check Your Credit: Review your credit score and reports using AnnualCreditReport.com to understand your current financial standing.
2. Build a New Budget
Your budget is the foundation for financial independence.
Prioritize Essentials: Focus on housing, utilities, transportation, groceries, and health care first.
Adjust for New Realities: If your household income has changed, trim non-essential expenses and look for cost-saving opportunities.
Use a Tool: Platforms like Mint, YNAB (You Need a Budget), or a simple spreadsheet can help track your income and expenses.
3. Open Your Own Accounts
If you shared finances before, this is your chance to take control.
Create Separate Accounts: Open checking and savings accounts in your name through trusted institutions, such as a local hometown bank.
Establish Emergency Savings: Aim to save 3–6 months' worth of living expenses for unexpected situations. Automate savings with scheduled transfers into a savings account.
Secure Access: Update passwords and security settings for privacy and peace of mind.
4. Seek Professional Guidance
Work with a Financial Planner: Search for certified financial planners in your area through NAPFA (National Association of Personal Financial Advisors).
Learn About Your Benefits: If you’ve gone through a divorce, ensure you understand your rights to alimony, child support, or retirement benefits.
Educate Yourself: Explore free or low-cost personal finance workshops, such as those offered by the Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE).
5. Plan for the Future
Your long-term goals might include homeownership, retirement savings, or funding education for yourself or your children. Here’s how to start:
Set Goals: Write down your financial priorities and break them into actionable steps.
Invest in Yourself: Consider pursuing continuing education or skill development through platforms like Coursera or LinkedIn Learning.
Build Credit: Start small with a secured credit card if your credit is limited. Use that card for basic purchases and pay it off monthly.
6. Embrace Your Independence
Starting over is challenging, but also a chance to redefine your life on your terms. Financial independence isn’t just about numbers—it’s about creating a future that reflects your values and dreams.
Here are some additional resources to guide you:
National Foundation for Credit Counseling – Free and low-cost financial counseling services.
USA.gov Benefits Finder – Explore government benefits you may qualify for.
Single Mothers Grants – Resources for financial assistance tailored to single women.
7. Set Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is essential for your emotional well-being.
Communicate only when necessary and maintain respectful conversations (this applies to all of us, including discussions about divorce, probate, and family matters, as well as interactions with former employers).
Limit or avoid toxic interactions.
Focus on co-parenting effectively, if applicable.
8. Reconnect With Yourself
Explore your interests, hobbies, and passions. This is your chance to rediscover what lights you up. Building your self-worth will help you heal and move toward what you want and deserve.
9. Reclaim Your Space
Make your home truly yours. Rearrange furniture, paint a wall, or spruce up the decor. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy and reflect who you are now. Your space, no matter how small, should be your sanctuary. You don’t have to spend any money – make it yours.
10. Build a Support System
You don’t have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with friends, family, or a support group who uplift you. Lean on those who listen without judgment and encourage you to grow. We are all here, don’t feel like you need to do this alone.
Building financial and emotional independence takes time. Give yourself grace along the way. If it feels overwhelming, reach out to someone – even if just to talk. Sometimes, a good venting and crying session can help us recoup our energy to get back on track.
One step at a time.
